The Power of Guilt
by TurquoiseRose16
Summary: 'Whenever he thought about what he had done to them in the past, the guilt was almost unbearable. He could feel its icy grip tightening around his lungs and a lump would form in his throat. He wanted, desperately, to apologize but he knew that they would reject it, making it so much harder to even be in the same room as them.' Sometimes guilt is the start of a new life.
1. Prologue

**Looks like this is my first Avatar the Last Airbender story. And to any of my readers who are waiting for updates on my other stories, I apologize for the wait. I've been busy all year with school and now that summer's here, I seem to have developed a horrid case of writer's block. Again, I'm very sorry. I will be updating as soon as the ideas begin flowing. This story, however, has been floating around in my brain for as long as I can remember and it's about time I get it down on paper- er on Microsoft Word and .**

**Get ready for some Zuko angst, because it will be coming full force in later chapters. But don't forget there will be Zutara, of course. Because what pair is better than that?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar the Last Airbender. If I did, Zutara would have actually happened and the Zuko angst would have been deeper and more in depth. **

~~~~~~~~ ATLA~~~~~~~~~

_'Hello, Zuko here..._

_I think it's time I joined your group and taught the avatar firebending..._

_One slip up; give me one reason to think you that might hurt Aang and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure it ends, right then and there. Permanently...'_

The words swarmed and festered in her mind; replaying over and over to the point of annoyance.

_'He is one room away. __**Him**__. The same person who had ruthlessly chased us for the past few years. Who had tried to burn us, and capture us, and kill us. And he is here. Just who does that arrogant ass think he is? He just shows up out of the blue and expects us to forgive him in a split second. No. No,no,no. The others may trust him, but no way in hell will I. Not again. No, he has to go.'_

She paced the small expanse of her room, muttering for hours. She only stopped when she heard a soft scuffle from outside her doorway.

Creeping toward the opening she peered out into the darkness. A small flickering flame danced near the fountain, causing the water to be cast in fiery hues_._

_'I'll bet he's thinking of a plan to destroy us at this very moment. No one is up at three a.m. for no reason. I knew we couldn't trust that lying bastard.'_

She crept closer and watched him from behind a stone pillar.

Nearly an hour went by before she came to the realization that he wasn't doing anything that could be classified as morally 'wrong'. Giving up, she turned and headed back to the confines of her room.

If she had stayed a bit longer maybe she would have seen the small whips of smoke rise off his flame from the drips of water that ran down his cheeks. Or maybe she would have seen the way he plunged his hand into the icy water to extinguish the flame he detested so much. If only she had stayed a moment more, then maybe she would have understood why he was truly here.

~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~

**Yes, yes. I know that was short, but that's why this is called a prologue. And also why Chapter 1 is going up with it tonight. Or technically this morning. It is almost two a.m. This is why I love summer. It is the only time where I'm allowed to be nocturnal. **

**Please R&R**

**~ TurquoiseRose16 **

**:)**


	2. Chapter One

**I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter or prologue, whatever you want to call it. I hope to be getting Chapter 2 up with the next week or two. Thanks you to everyone who is reading this story and any of my other ones. It really means a lot to me. Now, onto the angst!**

~~~~~~ ATLA ~~~~~~~

"Good morning everyone."

A chorus of 'mornings' were exchanged, with the exception of Toph who stomped around, complaining about it being too early to be so cheerful.

"I still don't get why you insist upon getting up at seven o'clock. Freaking seven o'clock in the morning. No one even does anything until at least noon...I mean look a Sokka. He isn't even coherent until almost ten, so why force him up? He's of no use to us until then. And don't even get me started on -

"Hey, I'm so consheerent!" Sokka burst out, wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth.

"It's **coherent**, genius." Toph shot back.

"Coherent, consheerent, what's the difference?" He responded nonchalantly.

"Don't make me launch you again. And this time, I'll aim for the edge of the cliff."

"Fine, fine. You're awfully touchy in the morning. And I thought Zuko had a temper."

"Wait a minute, where _**is**_ Sparky?" Toph stopped her ranting long enough to ask.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him all morning...and how did you know he was missing?" Sokka said as he waved his hand in front of her eyes.

"First things first. Get your hand out of my face," she said as she slapped away his hand. "And I knew because I can't feel his heartbeat."

"Huh?"

"I can feel the vibrations of everyone's heartbeat. Sparky's was missing."

"Okay...that's something new..." Sokka said. "... Are you sure you're human?..."

"Don't push it, Snoozles."

~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~

_'Breathe...Just breathe...'_

Bursts of flames, spread out from the tips of his fingers, each varying in color and intensity. Crimsons, azures, and brassy oranges followed the motion of his hands and danced as instructed. Whips that mimicked the fluidity of water stretched from his fingertips and snapped the low hanging branches above his head. A quick warm up was all he needed, then he would attempt it once again. If his uncle, sister, and father could do it, he should damn well be able to as well.

_'Okay...need to relax...breathe in...breathe out...and...'_

"Gah!" He was flung backwards as his lightning attempt once again exploded in his face. Yep, he was definitely done for the day. He sighed and laid down in the grass. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered anymore. He was never going to get it and nothing was going to change. He knew how depressing that sounded, but it was the truth. Perhaps he was destined for failure. He never had Lady Luck on his side, and the only way he got to where he was today was by struggling and fighting and just trying to grasp the desired resolution that always seemed to elude his prying fingers.

His eyes slipped shut and it suddenly dawned on him just how tired he really was. He got maybe two hours of sleep the previous night and it was starting to catch up with him. Or maybe it was the malnutrition. He had neglected to eat before he left the palace and was in too much of a hurry to actually snag something for the road. And on top of that, it is was almost a three day flight to the Western Air Temple. He could feel the hunger gnawing at his organs, but he had too much pride to actually _ask_ themfor a meal. And it's not like they would just offer one to him anyway. They just barely allowed him into their group. Why on earth would they give him the same luxuries the others had? They didn't like him and to be completely honest, _**he**_ didn't even like himself anymore.

Whenever he thought about what he had done to them in the past, the guilt was almost unbearable. He could feel its icy grip tightening around his lungs and a lump would form in his throat. He wanted, desperately, to apologize but he knew that they would reject it, making it so much harder to even be in the same room as them. No, he would just leave it as it is for now. He would teach the Avatar firebending and then he would be out of there. He'd stay long enough and do just enough good to alleviate the guilt, nothing more. He would attempt to balance out the good and the bad, but he knew that deep down, no amount of good deeds and heartfelt apologies would ever make right what he had done. He sighed, ending the rant within his head.

He was far too tired to continue that internal squabble with his self conscious. After three days of barely any sleep, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and dream into the next millennia, but sadly enough, it seems that the comfort of damp grass and jagged pebbles would have to do. He was asleep far before his brain even had the notion to head back to the rest of the Gaang.

~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~

"Guys, come on. We have to find him. He could be hurt, or sick, or-" Aang was cut off.

"Reporting our location to his father," Katara cut in.

"Katara, would you please just let it go. Yes, he has been less than trustworthy in the past, and yes, he has tried to kill us, but he's changed. He's on our side now. And as much as I hate to admit it, we need him to train Aang." Sokka wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Sis, I know it's hard for you, hell, it's hard for me too, but we have to do this for Aang's sake."

"Fine," she growled after a few moments silence. "But, when he betrays us don't come crying to me."

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind." He responded, rolling his eyes.

If looks could kill, let's just say he would be buried six feet under right now. She grit her teeth and walked off in the opposite direction.

"Hey, Aang." Sokka called over to the boy busy cowering behind one of the large pillars.

"Yeah?"

"Can we trade rooms? I'm afraid she might kill me in the middle of the night."

" Sorry, Sokka. But, I'm the Avatar and it would be a bigger tragedy to the world if I were die 'mysteriously' in the night than you. Besides everyone's kind of expecting you to kill yourself attempting one of your moronic stunts in the near future," Aang finished his rambling, looking down at his fidgeting fingers. "Uh, bye."

And he rushed out, leaving a strong gust of wind to tear through the temple.

Sokka stood there, his mouth wide open. "It would be a tragedy. I'm the comedian; I'm the sarcastic guy; I'm the genius plan making guy. I'm the most important person in the group!" He placed his hands on his hips, attempting what one would call a 'mock hero' pose. A large grin was plastered on his face as his mind played out his own 'hero' theme music. _Yeah, moronic my ass. I'm awesome!_

"Sokka, stop gloating. If you were the 'genius' of the group you would realize that you are not wearing any pants and haven't been all morning." Katara called out from the other side of the temple.

His eyes widened and his hand flew from his waist to cover the entire area of his crotch as he slowly slinked back to his room. _She would definitely pay for that._

~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~

Zuko groggily opened his eyes as he felt a slight wetness on his cheek. He sat up to see a small antler-bunny twitching its nose at him. It hopped closer and started to lick his hand. He could feel the corners of his mouth twitch up into a half smile. '_Well, at least someone likes me.'_ He lied back down and to his surprise his new little friend curled up right next to his head. He laughed slightly and decided he should be heading back to the group, whether they wanted him there or not.

The most pathetic discovery of the morning was that a small fuzzy creature got him to do what he hasn't done in months. It actually got him to laugh.

He pushed himself up and began walking back to the temple. He could hear tiny footfalls behind him. He stopped briefly and the small furry creature bumped into the back of his leg. He looked down to see the small antler-bunny staring up at him.

"You want to come with me? Eh, why not?"

He picked up the animal and it scurried up his arm to rest on his shoulder, its antlers just barely grazing his head. 'I c_an't wait to see their reactions,' _he thought as he continued his way back to the group. His head started spinning as he entered the far side of the temple. He was starting to wish he had just stayed back in the field and saved himself from the embarrassment of fainting in front of them. But, as he soon realized, it was too late for that.

~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~

"Ok, it's almost sundown and Zuko is still not back. I think we should go look for him." Aang said as the wings on his glider shot out.

"Whoa, wait a minute, Aang. This is Zuko, I'm sure he's fine. I bet he just wanted some alone time. You know, away from all the craziness of the group." Sokka responded, shrugging off the very notion Zuko was in trouble.

"Yeah, I'm sure your right."

Aang set his glider down and practically plopped down onto the floor. He was still worried, but Sokka was probably right. Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. But then again, when is Sokka ever right?

"Guys! Come quick! Zuko needs help." The Duke shouted running into the center of the temple.

"Where is he?" Sokka asked. jumping to his feet.

"Over by the entrance to the echo chamber. Haru, me, and Teo were exploring some of the different passages when we heard a loud thud. We ran out and saw him passed out on the ground. I went to find you guys, and they stayed with him."

Sokka, Aang, and The Duke hurried over to where Zuko was, while Katara leisurely stood up and slowly walked toward the others.

She could see everyone crouched over the figure on the floor.

"I'm fine, really. Just a little dizzy." Zuko weakly smiled up at them and attempted to stand up. He would have collapsed a second time if Sokka didn't grasp his shoulder.

"Hey, what's with the antler-bunny?" Sokka asked, pointing to the creature now perched atop Zuko's head.

Now this Katara had to see. Just as he said, a small antler-bunny was in fact sitting on Zuko's head, and he didn't seem to mind it in the least bit.

"What, you've never had a pet before?" Zuko asked casually, slowly making his way to his room.

Sokka suddenly stopped and his eyes welled with tears. "Hawky," he sniffled out.

_Oh, brother. Not this again. _

"Sokka, you have to let it go. He's not coming back." Katara said patting his shoulder.

"Yeah...yeah, I know. But it still hurts."

Katara sighed. "Go sit back down, and I'll make some tea."

"Thanks, sis."

She shook her head slightly and dispersed the lingering group. Alright, now she was sort of worried about Zuko. Of course, not enough to actually check on him, but enough to send someone to check on him for her. _'Well, Sokka's out,' _she thought as she saw her brother sigh heavily, as he lied on the ground. And she highly doubts Zuko would be too appreciative if she sent one of those who found him unconscious. That leaves only one person.

"Hey, Toph. I need you to do something for me."

~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~

Zuko could feel his cheeks flush heavily as he hurried as fast as he could to his room. That wasn't supposed to happen. No one was supposed to see that. He would never live this down.

He practically fell onto his bed and he relished in the feel of the cool sheets and plush pillow. This was far better that the bug infested grass. He swore he had about twenty bug bites from those pesky mosquito-flies.

He sighed. This is the third time he collapsed this week. Maybe it was time to find some food before he keeled over from starvation. His stomach clenched just at the thought of food and he had to press his hand against it just to silence the noise. He was so close to just getting up and begging them for even a scrap of a meal, but he had far too much pride for that. Then again, they had just seem him unconscious with an antler-bunny on his head. How much pride could he possibly have left?

He stood up and lifted the creature off his head and onto the bed. Just as he made his way to the door, the entire temple started to quake, the vibrations steadily increasing in magnitude. He fell back on the bed just as Toph appeared in the door way.

"Alright, Sparky. What's up with you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." He lied through clenched teeth.

"Don't play games. I know you're lying."

"I.." He just stopped. He didn't know how to respond to a person who could honesty tell when he was lying.

"I thought so. Now tell me why you fainted, or I'll make you."

For being blind and fairly small, she was very threatening. Somehow, though, he wasn't surprised.

"Why do you care?" He asked standing back up.

"I don't, but Miss Sunshine over there made me come over here to find out. I don't think it's because she cares, I think it's because she doesn't want to seem like a heartless bitch in front of the others."

"That's some pretty harsh language for someone your age."

"Hey, don't judge me, and I won't judge you, deal?"

"Fine. " He muttered crossing his arms

A few moments of 'awkward silence' passed before Toph spoke, "So, tell me, Sparky, why do you feel lighter than before?"

"Come again?"

"I asked why you feel lighter than before? And I don't mean a few pounds. It feels like you lost maybe ten or fifteen pounds."

His eyes widened in horror at her realization and he began to back away. She came closer until he found himself pinned against a wall. Her hand shot out and landed on his chest. She pressed it firmly against him before she gasped.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to starve to death? I can feel your ribs. Your freaking ribs. You're coming with me now to get some food."

"N-no! I can't. "

"Why for Agni's sake not?"

"Because...just because." He murmured.

Her grasp on his shirt tightened and he could feel his feet lift slightly off the ground.

"Give me a good reason to not drag you out there and shove food down your throat."

"I can't because...I doubt they would even give me any food in the first place. They don't even want me here, so why on earth would they offer me the same luxuries the others are given? They wouldn't alright. I have been too afraid to even contemplate asking them for a meal. So what if I haven't eaten for a few days? It won't kill me. I have gone almost three weeks without food and I have survived. So, can you just drop it and leave me alone?" He shouted. His outburst steadily growing louder with each word.

"No, I won't drop it. I don't care if you had gone a freaking month without food, you are getting some now and I will make sure of it."

She stomped out of his room and back to the rest of the group. A few moments of utter silence followed by a few harsh words he doubted he would ever repeat, and she was back holding a bowl of steaming rice.

She dropped it in his thin hands and turned back to leave.

"Thank you." He spoke softly.

She slightly nodded her head and disappeared out the doorway.

As soon as she left, he couldn't seem to swallow the rice down quick enough. After thirty seconds the bowl was empty and he was suddenly regretting the decision to gulp it down so fast. He felt sick and just barely made it to the window before the contents of his stomach were on the grass below him. He slid down the wall and wiped his mouth before curling up on the floor.

He heard a small thump and watched as his little companion hopped over to him and snuggled into his chest. Yeah, he may feel like hell, but at least he had his furry friend to comfort him, as pathetic as that sounded.

~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~

"So, Toph. What wrong with Zuko?" Sokka asked, stuffing yet another spoonful of rice into his mouth.

She let the spoon fall back in her bowl with a clank. Swallowing what rice she had left in her mouth, she responded as convincingly as she could. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

Zuko owed her big time for this. And even though everyone was going to find out sooner or later, for now, this was their little secret.

~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~

**Phew, that felt like a long chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it, though.**

**Please R&R **

**~ TurquoiseRose16**

**:)**


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